They ask you how you're doing, of course you say you can't complain

[gement]

Hi!

I'm working. And stressing out about deadlines and learning how to communicate with this boss, a subject on which I will not rant because rehashing it Will Not Help right now.

I'm working on trying to get some balance back into seeing people, maybe eventually facing laundry and bills. I uninstalled several toxic games from my phone, in which I'd been burying myself since October.

I lie. I have moved them to a folder that I've been really good at not touching. The achievement hooks were compelling enough that it's hard not to feel like I'm throwing away "progress" (and in one case, double digits of actual money for in-game items), but I have actually cut myself off of playing successfully for a months, so... so far, so good and maybe in six months the loss of "progress" will stop stinging as much and I can uninstall the things that will never, ever be good for my brain chemistry.

I go through this one or two times a year. I am not allowed to go to Kongregate ever, ever again. It's a known weakness, it maps directly to my anxiety, I deal with it and backslide and move on. I'm moving on.

Anxiety is annoying. At this point it's also tedious. It's not surprising or dramatic, just ugh, this again? I'm working on cognitive strategies again, little ways of taxing my stress endurance. I paid bills today!

Also I took the hit of "wheee, sudden release of tension at work!" to shave my head and paint my nails and get my ear piercings reopened. Trying to take back how I feel about my presentation instead of just constantly muttering to myself about people not being able to see whatever it is that I'm doing no matter what I try.

Caused unintended stress to a (black, female) stranger the other day by taking off my cheerful bobble hat and suddenly becoming a skinhead in a leather jacket in an enclosed elevator. :( Reasons not to keep this headstyle forever. I may dye the stubble dragonfly green to match my nails and change the social coding. Dunno.

This has been thoughts.

Comments

[gement.livejournal.com]

:) I am a grown up and understand how to do the equivalent of declining a politely offered drink. I was just in a bad spot and already playing a toxic-to-me game while in the grip of serious unemployment at that point.

Just playing a bit of house there wasn't actually a huge deal and it's the one part I may be able to resume at some point without damage (though I keep reminding myself that I've basically played it out and achieved all my goals). No more fishing, though.

[eeyorerin]

*waves*

Hello.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Hello. Thanks for the powerpoint resources recently. They didn't help with my boss, but they made me feel pleasantly self-righteous.

[eeyorerin]

Tufte is quite good for that,yes. :)

[grum]

I wonder if I bothered anyone when my head was bare/fuzzy. I wasn't doing much at that point where I had to interact with strangers... Winchester was a pretty darn small town for the chronically studying, so I kind-of doubt it. But it'd be interesting to know.

And making my dean angry doesn't count. I'm not sure if she was angrier that I did it or that I did it in such a manner that she couldn't punish me without my bringing the wrath of the student body (and a couple professors) down on me.

Yay on digging out of the games and filing them where you are good about leaving them alone.

[gement.livejournal.com]

The leather jacket is a big game changer on that one. If I were just in a button-up shirt or a tee shirt, very different effect. But it's Spring in Seattle, so going without my coat would not be good.

[grum]

Both of those are very valid points.

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Hear you with respect to the online games. I've been 2048ing myself into a dull state of repose lately.
I hope work goes well. Ugh boss communication stress is appalling.

[gement.livejournal.com]

That one I picked up last week knowing it was a terrible, terrible idea, but then managed to uninstall after 48 hours!

... Twice!

I think it'll stick this time. I've beaten 4096, so at this point I feel like I've 'beaten' it well enough to be getting on with.

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Blast! I've only managed to get to 2048! MUST GO PLAY MORE.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

A long time ago, maybe in a country far, far away, shaven heads & leather jackets together on white people weren't code for evil. Le sigh.

Trying to take back how I feel about my presentation instead of just constantly muttering to myself about people not being able to see whatever it is that I'm doing no matter what I try.

Yay!