Dec. 17th, 2003

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Where were you?

I get intense flashbacks from certain songs. Many of them are just "I was half asleep and my subconscious suddenly made the lyrics so clear that they burned into my brain forever." These include Hero, Mr. Jones, and Who Will Save Your Soul.

I may or may not make this a running series. As usual, my intentions are good. I have to point out here that the songs I remember clearly don't always reflect my musical taste. They mostly reflect the pop top 40, because my hometown doesn't have a lot of radio options.

Semi-Charmed Life

It's the summer after my senior year, six o'clock in the morning. I've been working at the frozen pea factory all night, thawing samples and dipping them in brine until my clothes are crusted with salt and my fingers are freezing. Dawn light filters into the bathroom window. I'm lying in the "two-person" (read: really comfortable for one) spa tub. The water is perfectly still, and my muscles are slowly thawing. Third Eye Blind is making me grin like a maniac.

This song is an ecstacy of seized chances. I later learned from my college roommate that, amazingly, my hometown radio station played the full version instead of the common radio edit that cut out the "little red panties" verse. As of this morning when I woke up to the song, they were playing the edited version. Sellouts.
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The next time I post, I will never again be able to watch Return of the King for the first time.

Anyone who figures out how to bottle experiences, I will find a soul broker if necessary. I have a terror of memory loss, and it comes out as frustration at the momentary nature of moments. Yes, I can go look at it again, but I can't go BE there again. The Tralfamadorians, now, they've got it together.

I keep meaning to write a long ranty post about it, and I may still, but anyone similarly afflicted knows what I mean. We're the ones who keep writing and reading SF about experience recording technology.

And now. Almost King. And tomorrow is my last day of work.
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Pippin sang.
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Advance notice, I'm saying this all wrong and it's hackneyed and obvious. Live with it.

I came home from RotK, and the house was empty, so I proceeded straight to my teen sister's choir concert, already in progress. I stood at the back, in the dark, and listened to the (non-audition) concert band, which sounds like high school concert bands everywhere. And I looked at all the nice, normal, small town hobbi people in the seats, and I realized again.

I left this place six years ago. I pulled up stakes, I packed my things, and I left for good. I've been back for eighteen months, but I'm never really back. You can't go home.

I feel it close to constantly, and usually it feels good. Progressive. Onward and upward. I save and I plan and I prepare and I dream of going back to the Emerald City, and I never properly live here. I can't anymore.

I never thought I would stand in this place. It hurts really bad.

Damn Peter Jackson for spelling it out for me again in letters ten feet tall.

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