This person is SO cool.

[gement]

Recommended reading (a short essay): On matters of passing, by rm. It's about what it means to pass, and what it means to stand up for one's identity politics (on any issue) when one has a choice of hiding them. I pass very easily. Reading this meant a lot to me.

This is the person I'm rooting for in the LJ election (which ends today). This kind of post is why.

On a related note, I stumbled across a thread in dot_poly_snark. Someone made an poorly thought-out statement about embarrassing people being the loudest spokespeople for alternative lifestyles. In it, she lumped fat people and freaky hairstyles in with body odor and poor social skills.

There was a gem of a response in the resulting comment blaze, which concluded with: "If they hadn't blazed the trail, if they weren't pushing the boundaries of what was considered acceptable by the mainstream, your 'normal'/HWP/whatever ass would still be so far back in the Poly closet you'd see Narnia."

As a 'normal'/HWP/whatever looking person, when I identify with a minority group, I always wonder if I'm doing it enough, somehow. If I'm minority enough to count. I mean, how can I when no one can see it, when I don't have to live with it painted across my face every day? How can I stand up? How much stranger is it for people when I do, and how much more heated the response? And why do I keep risking it?

Comments

[annissamazing]

I read rm's post and completely forgot that I wasn't reading your journal. You could have written that post. Eerie. Makes me want to be her friend. :)

I had read about the WisCon crappiness through Shapely Prose and was so outraged that I couldn't form coherent sentences.

I'm actually going to tuck that Narnia comment in the back of my head for use sometime in the future. Awesome.

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

I struggle with these questions a lot, too, because it's very easy for me to pass. I really want to write something more substantial, but I'm just heading out from work...

[gement.livejournal.com]

That's exactly why I friended her. :)

It delights me that you could think of me writing that post. She always sounds braver than I sound in my head.

[panther.livejournal.com]

Honestly? If those people who can "pass" choose to come out as freaks, different, etc, and can act as allies for those who cannot "pass" then that is a sacred thing.

Is it enough? It is enough to live your life boldly and on your terms. You do that. And you risk it because you dare, because you can, or because you cannot help but doing so.

[morinon.livejournal.com]

The one rule I follow, in general, is do what you feel you must.

Of course, in many specifics, I break it, which is why it's a general rule or ideal. In the end, you have to balance what you feel you must do, and what you feel you can.

[artdreams1.livejournal.com]

If I may quote a discussion I had with an 8 yr old once,

"why are you crying"

"I'm just so afraid I'll be normal."

"um. Don't think you have to worry . . ."

That's why. You do what you need to/want to/have to/can.

[maribou]

how much more heated the response?

Really? For the most part, when I've made a 'hey, I'm part of this minority group' type statement about a group where I usually pass unobviously, I get a lot of 'oh, well, we're not talking about YOU, obviously' unheated disinterest before they go back to whatever they were talking about ... as if it's not so much whatever it is that they are being bigoted about, as it is people who are OBVIOUSLY whatever it is, that are the problem. Which pisses me off, and makes me even more aware of how much problematic privilege I have for passing.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Actual responses vary. I get the indifferent response more often, but I'm always braced for the incredulous, "Oh, not you too!" and watching myself sliding from Peer to Other in the other person's head.

Whether or not it happens (and it does occasionally happen), the fear is there every time.

[maribou]

Ah. I see what you mean. That does make sense.

(I think my subconscious is arrogantly sure everyone I'd be liable to tell these things to will still find me charming and thus treat me as Peer, but it expects my efforts at honesty to be treated dismissively. So I am wearily unsurprised at 'yeah, yeah' but SHOCKED everytime someone is actually upset. Because I'm so fundamentally trusting in humanity that every time someone is less than reasonably openminded, let alone outright *bigoted*, I'm still shocked by it. And then my subconscious immediately forgets that people can be so ridiculous until the next time it happens. This may've been a defense mechanism from growing up in such a small and cheerfully bigoted place as I did. It was much more pleasant to go around oblivious than to go around constantly appalled.)

Non-visible minorities.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

I 'm about to fag it in for the day, so I don't know if this is a helpful comment to you or not, but sleep-fuzzy brain insists on making it anyway.
My very best friend, and favourite person on the planet, happens to be a Canadian treaty Indian. She is a Kootenay.
She also happens to be Cree, and also happens to be Métis, in the sense that she looks like what people think a Caucasian should look like, instead of what people think a treaty Indian should look like.

She commented once that she is entitled to the twin joys, of both having
the Federal Government muck about in her personal life, and of hearing what white people think when they think there are no non- aboriginal people around.

Being mistaken for a member of the official in group, when one is not, is far from being an unalloyed pleasure, and while it comes with it's privilege derived responsibilities, it also comes with it's own unique brand of ickyness.
My IQ is now headed for the low 80s. Time to abed.

Re: found while filling things into folders

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

*what white people think when they think there are no non- aboriginal people around.
See, now it makes sense.

Re: found while filling things into folders

[gement.livejournal.com]

I got it. It's amazing what brains will edit in the name of sense-making.

Speaking of sense-making, I'm not doing any. Bed time. (Thanks for the call today. It's mind-boggling that your mom is actually snappier with these facts than you are. More time to practice, I suppose, but still!)

Re: found while filling things into folders

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

Mom is pretty amazing a lot of ways. She turned 85 in June.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

We are none of us brave inside our own heads.