Names (a lunch break identity voyage)

[gement]

If I'd-a been a boy, my mother maintains I would have been named Robin Christopher.

When I go in drag or male-space, that name feels like home.

meowse pointed out the other day that, in his admittedly limited experience, a lot of trans or otherwise genderbent people pick cross-names that are surprisingly ambiguous. I have observed this more among transmen than transwomen, but I definitely have seen some of that. A lot of names that are androgynous, common abbreviations for feminine names, or shortened to a nickname rare enough that it's ambiguous. Alex, Lee, Sol (short for Solomon, but ambiguous through rarity), Chris... Robin...

I've also known Brian, John, and a couple of Jacks, so it's not an all-sweeping trend or anything, but it is a little surprising.

He says if he wanted to switch, he'd go for something like "Jessica" so people wouldn't have to guess. I agree in theory, but then in practice... I was almost born with these names. They feel like mine. When I'm in drag, I don't want to feel like I'm under an assumed name. Jack isn't my name. Robin is. Chris is. But with my cute little heart-shaped face, it doesn't help people cue very well, and that's frustrating.

So it's time again to haul out the Baby Name Wizard and Top 25 70s/80s lists for names popular among boys-but-not-girls in my birth era and the one just after it. (Like most women with my facial shape, I look a decade younger when I cross-dress.) Names I might grow into with some thought:

Justin. Marcus, but not Mark, and not Marc because that's just a bit too limp-wristed. Andrew, but not Andy. Rob, but not Robert (aha! a solution to the Robin ambiguity?). Paul. Maybe James, which I suddenly realize is also my paternal grandfather's name, though he goes by Jim, which I would not. (But my maternal grandfather's name, Karl, is right out, as is Ray, the middle name I inherited from him.)

There's Glenn, of course, which would have the odd double recognition of the fact that men can be referred to by last name more easily than women. I'm thinking of using Glenn Merrell as an aren't-I-clever* masculine pen name. Maybe I should just own that one a little harder.

I'm oddly tempted by Dean, my father's middle name, with that slightly rare 50s flavor. My actual first name was only in the top 1000 (barely) during the 50s. So going for something slightly rare and slightly out of date makes sense, from that perspective.

Popular and possibly appealing but definitely not me: Matt/hew, Michael/Mike, Josh/ua, Jason, Jeff/rey, Jeremy, Jacob/Jake. John. Jack. Anthony/Tony. Adam. Aaron. Brandon. Brian. Benjamin. David/Dave. Eric. Kevin. Charles. Scott. Tim/othy. Greg/ory. Nathan/Nate. Pat/rick (just NO). Pete/r. Phil/ip. Ryan. Rich/ard/Dick. Steve/n. Thomas/Tom. Travis. Vince/nt. Victor (again, just NO). Zach/ary.

Near misses: Daniel would be in, but I'd end up shortening it, and Dan is right out. I had no idea Blake was so popular or so overwhelmingly a boy's name; too bad it's not quite mine. Will might be all right (not William or Bill), but J is considering switching to that. I like Nick, but I'd have FK echoes in my head until the end of tiiiime. Rick I feel better about, possibly through long association with my Changeling days, but I refuse to name myself after my LARP character.

I think most of the names I've crossed off I've had strong associations with some person or another, a guy I went to school with or something. So "Aaron" is permanently tied to Class Clown and "Adam" to Basketball Player and "Brian" to a couple of very hot guys I have known (one bio, one trans), and since I'm not them, I can't be their names. Brains are odd little ducks.

Some, I realize, I threw out because they are simply too common-sounding. I have never had a common-sounding name. The only common name that completely slips past that filter is Chris, because it's mine. The common names that I like above have a little more formality to them; they ring in my mind as classy.

The M/M writing book points out that women naming characters tend to go for the fancy and more formal names, while men naming characters tend to go for "Jack". I think I'm willing to own this tendency. I'd rather be a Marcus than a Mark. My parents gave me one of them wacky girl names that no one can spell without guessing, and I'm fond of that name, so that will always be with me.

At this time, members of the peanut gallery are invited to opine, with either general or specific thoughts on identity, personal preferences, distinctive vs. commonness, gender variance in name-choosing behaviors, Leonard Cohen lyrics, or anything else that strikes their fancy.

* For those who don't know me in person, this is a modification of my surname and personal name in reverse order.

Comments

[gramina.livejournal.com]

If I'd been a boy, I think I'd've wound up with a family name; one granddad was Frank (not Franklin) William, the other was Taylor (no middle name). Various other male family names included Blair, Glen, John, and Milton.

All things considered, though, I think if I were doing gender-play, I'd want to stick with a name that was "mine" in some way; and since both my used-name and my non-used name have masculine forms, I think that's what I'd do -- go with the non-used name in its masculine form. (I know way, way to many Michaels in one variant or another to use that one!)

When I was in high school, I had a classmate whose name was Charles. I've never really understood why her parents named her that, but what I really liked was how thoroughly and with what dignity she had lived into that name.

(Tony makes me think of Heyer; Zacchary makes me think of L'Engle.)

[gement.livejournal.com]

(Charles makes me think of L'Engle, Timothy of NIMH.)

[cinnamonteal.livejournal.com]

With all this we really need to arrange for you to have The Jacket, in whatever stage it's currently in.

[ladyallyn.livejournal.com]

Then there are the initial contractions; RC, AJ, JD, JC, LE (m/f goes by 'ellie, f/m goes by lee), LK, LN... can't think of how many more I know at the moment. My name is feminized version of two male names, and the contraction suits me. One day I might grow up enough to use whole names, but I somehow rather doubt it.

[gramina.livejournal.com]

...Timonty of NIMH....

...As in Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of --?

[maribou]

Obv. when in drag you should go by Mr. Ages;)

[maribou]

What about Corey?

I'm not sure if I think it's fitting or not, but it occurred to me and I don't see it mentioned here.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Majority masculine, but I've known at least two female Coreys, as well as the Corinne family of girlnames.

But yes, it is of the right obscurity/sensibility balance I'm looking for.

[gement.livejournal.com]

We do indeed. In addition to actually seeing each other from time to time.

And me getting around to writing that conversation, which at this point will mean researching FK, which I haven't watched in too long to do it justice. Oh, the trials. I must watch it AGAIN! ;)

[gement.livejournal.com]

... Obviously.

[gement.livejournal.com]

I wonder if I might enjoy being a Rusty. I don't think I would, but I think it's hitting that right sort of name shape. Interesting.

[red-the-squeaky.livejournal.com]

I'm of no use in this.
I appreciate and support all of my gender-bending friends, but I'm pretty much all girl. So much so that my parents never bothered to think of a male name. They had no clinical proof that I was going to be a girl, I was conceived long before the days of casually ascertaining gender before birth, they just couldn't imagine me being any other way.

[adularia.livejournal.com]

Dissenting on grounds that the first noun that brings to mind is "Doctorow."

[adularia.livejournal.com]

I don't have any regrets, but I will admit that choosing a gender-ambiguous name with a larger male than female population is kind of asking for it, especially when one is not, herself, actually gender-variant.

I get "Mr. Lacenski" with some frequency on junkmail envelopes and cold calls, and the contrary bit of my brain just loves answering with a perky female voice and/or showing up in a pretty blouse and jewelry. (I am more femme when actively fucking with people's gender expectations than at maybe any other time. Stupid contrariness-bit.)

I don't have any specific recommendations, though I'm a big fan of choosing names from relatively obscure bits of personal history. But for some reason the frequency of double letters in "Glenn Merrell" makes it stick out to me as an assumed name.

[artdreams1.livejournal.com]

Adam was the other choice. First man. When I was early laboring, gg went a'walking and came back with the decision of Robin.

Love hearing of your hair and the ice cream delights me.

Back in the US Tues morning, Spokane by 10pm, but the cell will work throughout the day.

[nbarnes.livejournal.com]

I don't know what my parents would have gone for if I'd been a girl, but I do know that if I wake up tomorrow and turned into a girl overnight, I'd use 'Naomi'.

[passionandsoul.livejournal.com]

I really like the name reversal choice. I would personally have a minor twitch with Marcus, but I'm ok twitching.

[cinnamonteal.livejournal.com]

Email me to schedule?

[gement.livejournal.com]

Yes, please! Um, I'm not sure what's the best address to use for you these days. Still the work address?

[corivax.livejournal.com]

I am catching up on your posts, having been absent from lj a while and thinking you're nifty. :)

Had I been male, I would have acquired the name that went to my brother, Joseph Edward III. Which is pretty eh, though I like the nickname Jay, despite (because of?) my father using it the entire time I've been alive, and I've used it occasionally for internet personae, as well as for a while when it followed naturally from me being listed on attendance lists as "J. Lee".

I have decide I really really want the name Valentine. I'm not allowing myself to take it, though, 'cause that's just silly. :) But if I did, the combination of a 3 syllable first name and a 3 syllable middle name would just overwhelm my poor Ellis-island-chopped trochee last name, and I'd want to revert it to Zemanje (zee-mahn-yay) to get three anapaests. caladri signed me into a hotel once as Valentine Corviday Zemanje, and I really dug that, but isn't it the silliest thing you've ever heard? :)

I also have sneaking suspicions I may have imprinted on that name because of a video game character. Yeesh.

As far as popular names, I like Michael, Ryan, Alexander, Dustin, and Vincent. Oo, and I really like 'Rusty' from the first comment above, though I'm not sure how I feel about Russell. Probably better to have a nickname you like than a name you like, though.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Huh. Hadn't thought of Russell. I know a Russell, but not very well, and I think I actually would get along with that name better than Rusty.

I think if I know anyone who could carry off the name Valentine, it would be you, triple trisyllabic or no. :)

[gement.livejournal.com]

The more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm leaning toward Glenn. Still thinking, though. Might drop an 'n' or modify the last name further to minimize the double-letter problem someone mentioned.

Going right now to look up ITW and Paradise info to see how they will fit into my schedule and so on.

[cinnamonteal.livejournal.com]

That works, or the hotmail - which I don't check as often but is still active.

Men's names.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

My very British mother had to be talked out of naming me Ezekiel, by my very Southern father, I was horrified to learn. She was very unaware that the, to her, very dignified, and slightly exotic, sounding name, would, in the then context of Texas, become Zeke in about five seconds.
I find that Canadians tend to assume that the form of the name they are first given is the correct or preferred form, and I wonder if women in the U.S. tend to assume this as well.

More to the subject at hand, I can easy see a time when English personal names have no perceived gender at all. This, I have observed, is somewhat the case on LJ with many, if not most, on line names, where social gender is often not a factor.