Travels and entertainments lately

[gement]

I went to Bumbershoot, thanks to my wonderful father, who came and stayed for the weekend and sprang for tickets, and kept track of all the schedules. I listened to a great variety of music, walked until I wanted to fall down.

At Bumbershoot, I developed an active taste for iced mochas thanks to the free Starbucks station where I drank four of them a day to keep myself on my feet. I've always despised coffee. If I desperately needed the caffeine, I would occasionally drink quad shot mochas to bury the taste of it under chocolate. Now I honestly like mochas. It's wacky. I also got a pair of 80s mirror shades which my family oddly thinks actually flatter me, and an Undriver's License, which I love.

I went to Folsom Street Fair (nsfw if you don't know and wanted to google for context), thanks to arjache who took me on a TRAIN in a SLEEPER CAR and it's amazing how much I love train travel. The travel was easily the best part of the trip, and given that the rest of the trip was walking with arjache and hobnobbing with my fellow fetishists, that's saying something.

I had to deal with a lot of poser and imposter syndrome and fear of missing something baggage at Folsom. I couldn't get read as male to save my life, which was completely understandable (surrounded by people who looked like me identifying as butch women, and very macho cis men cruising for other very macho cis men) and terribly frustrating. Then that turned into a pile of "am I just a woman lookyloo-ing at the gay men" and "why am I here windowshopping kinks instead of trying to actually get more of it into my real live bedroom" and... it was just hard.

When I don't get acknowledged often enough, I start wondering if there's anything to acknowledge, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I got some nice validation when I got home and I try not to fret.

Yesterday I took a short ferry trip and met more of J's family for the first time. It went about as well as might be expected, which is to say we were polite to each other and now I don't wonder what they look like. To quote Rimmer, "Over the years, I have come to regard you as people that I met."

Today and yesterday's entries have been rather down compared to how I actually feel. It's like I have two lines running, my mood which is generally up and my issues which are generally down. It's just a matter of which one I'm paying attention to. I'm under the impression most people have this separation, but I'm not sure.

And now I am posting this without rereading it, which is hard. Go me.

Comments

[gement.livejournal.com]

Secondary answer which I find of interest, so I'm volunteering the information since I know you wouldn't pry:

As a woman, I'm about a 2 on the Kinsey scale, finding a lot of women attractive but really perking up more often at men (and very butch women who give off the same cues).

As a guy I'm about a 5, and find surprisingly different men attractive, and a few superficially traditional-beauty women attractive who I usually wouldn't look at. I theorize that my shift in taste in men is partly motivated by who might be available to me. I look at queerer-reading men when I'm in guyspace because they might be interested. I don't think this is actually a reliable indicator in any way, but it's my hypothesis for explaining the difference.

Now that my gender is constantly in the blender, I'm looking at both sets, but I can still tell which brain I'm looking with, if that makes any sense.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

*nod* Thanks for the additional information.