gement | (no subject)

So, I'm writing my "dare to dream" resume/cover letter babble, and at this point it's completely unedited, going from the theory that (with reasonable editing), my perfect employer should like and want me for my actual strengths and personality. It's kind of the job search version of not wearing a padded bra and looking in bars unless you want to end up with a drinker who likes bigger tits than yours.

The first four paragraphs currently look like this:
I'm a sidekick for hire. My secret identity is [I've cut this so as not to bias the poll]. I file at the speed of light. My laser eye catches the stray apostrophe. You ask me for a form and I return a pointable clickable user friendly masterpiece in under two hours.

I am the friendly voice on the phone that has already guessed what you need done. I am the friendly voice on the phone that tells wastes of time that you're not available right now, can I take a message? I am the shepherd of stray pages, the guardian angel of lost data. My desk sparkles.

I can do data entry for four hours without complaint. You'll probably get a polite memo on how the data entry system could be streamlined, though. I slice, dice, and make attractive bar graphs of data you didn't know you needed until you saw the spending gap next month coming up to bite you in the ass.

I listen to Santana at subliminal volume. My workplace attitude crests at "Life is beautiful," and troughs at "I'm a little tired today." My standard coat is a cloak which has been compared to Little Red Riding Hood, old-fashioned nurses' attire, and Batman. Someday I will get my Master's in Library Science and become a librarian. Did you know that Batgirl was a librarian?

My question is (and I encourage you to answer before reading my job-related cut text): What's a good superhero name for a sidekick like me (take that as you will)? What's your superhero name?

[Poll #243253]

Edit: The poll title is supposed to be "Because you're super!" Stupid apostrophe.