Ffnnnaaaurgh. Life.

[gement]

This weekend was the bad bad moodswing weekend of doom. The whole thing about sending out resumes and facing possible rejection is finally coming to a sickening head, and it was compounded by poor timing of stressful family discussions and technical difficulties. (I still haven't managed to FTP to my email server to get the temp agency a Word-formatted resume.)

So I spent a good chunk of Friday feeling nauseous and crying. Thanks, lapineken, for the very welcome DDR break.

Saturday was good until the last bit. I spent it with Mom repainting the bathroom (not having my own shower has been a real drag). Then we realized our deep-freezer had been left ajar, so now it might be dead and we have to rescue the food. garillama was the most likely person to have left it open, so at that point it was 10 p.m. and she was stressed, so I sat up with her and watched Buffy Vs. Dracula.

11 p.m. she went to bed. I stayed up until three in the morning, streaking through a massive chunk of 5th season Buffy, all at once. Note to anyone who cares: DON'T watch The Body at 1:30 in the morning. Just don't. Especially not the first time you watch it.

I got up at nine on Sunday and continued watching through the end of Buffy 5th Season. Another note, don't watch half of 5th season in twelve hours. It hurts. A lot.

So, that afternoon, dizzy on Buffy and depression and exhaustion and more Buffy, I was alternating between sobbing and laughing hysterically. Everything felt massive and horrible, including the fact that cristoforio felt left out because I've done all my previous Buffy streaking in his company and I completely excluded him from watching 5th Season with me. I felt like the world's most horribly inconsiderate bitch, and having just watched 5th Season, I had a whole bunch of inconsiderate bitch role models to compare to myself.

I knew what was going on and knew I just had to cry through it for a while. Cristoforio was supportive, but it exhausts him when I get like that. I slept for two hours and felt much more stable.

Strange stroke of something: During the hysterical bit, my friend with cancer called. It sounds like there's hope. I don't know how much hope. Why does that make it worse? I'd gotten myself all braced for her to die and now I'm back on the roller coaster. This sucks.

Comments

[morinon.livejournal.com]

*comf*

[annissamazing]

Was that the first time you'd seen The Body? Ouch...

If you want, and if you're free, I can call you anytime. We can chat. :)

[gement.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes it was.

I'd like to hear from you. If anytime includes now, I'm still home, and will be for probably another hour getting some housework done. Give a call?

[annissamazing]

Damn...should've qualified that "anytime" statement. I won't be home for another hour and a half. But, yeah, I wanna call. When are you available?

[capnexposition.livejournal.com]

*hug* I feel your pain on the resume issue...I'm starting to go through the same thing re: internship applications for my last year in college-land. Try not to fret over the rejection issue...it's a fact of life that not everyone we encounter (particularly in the business/job arena) will want or need us. It's not a rejection of you as a person, it's your skillset they don't like/need/whatever. And in your case, I wouldn't worry over rejection unduly. You have an awesome skillset, you're enthusiastic, scarily smart, and highly directed towards what you want out of a job. Those are all of the qualities employers like to see in applicants. I'm sure you'll do fine, once those applications start hitting their targets.

And while we're talking, "The Body"? Explain?

[gement.livejournal.com]

Arguably the most mind-blowingly gut-wrenchingly depressing episode of Buffy ever. I'll show it to you sometime.

[samvimes.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear your weekend sucked. I've had moodswings like that, when absolutely everything depresses me, usually totally out of proportion to how bad it is. Sometimes lack of sleep brings it on, or a sugar crash, and sometimes it just happens, who the hell knows why. It's good to have someone to see you through those dark moments. senssuzy plays that role in my life. Sometimes she's the one who needs the boost.

The job search can legitimately be depressing, and yeah, you're guaranteed to face rejection. I'm going through it now. You just have to keep reminding yourself of your good qualities. Practice telling yourself you're valuable, and that'll come in handy when you need to write cover letters and do interviews, as well as boosting your confidence about the search itself. If these stupid companies can't see that they ought to hire you, after you've worked so hard to educate them on that fact, then you deserve better than them, anyhow.