gement | In which I am still alive.

Non-fairytale ending, here you go:

I have never missed a Jason Webley halloween show. Ever. Ever ever. I caught the first one by accident and evangelized them ever since. Last year I got to help make props for it and was one of the dancing feather women, a lieutenant of the Feather Army. I waved a flag and everything.

Today I realized vaguely that it was The Day, along with being the 400th anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot and probably the most impressive fireworks display in England's history. And this year my sister

lunar__angel actually has a named role in the annual passion play! And I was sitting at my computer at 6:30 this evening going, "Gah. Concert. Cold. Wet. Don't know where my hoodie is. No one to go with. Bleh. Who cares."

So, Jason came home, and we talked it over, and he said he did at least mildly want to go... and I then remember that last year, the glorious feather concert, was the first lengthy interaction I had with the stranger I'd met on the street and the bus who I invited who became Jason. So we started finding warm things. I decided to wear my leather jacket with my cloak over it.

My leather jacket still had a piece of yellow (feather) cord tied to one epaulet, and when I reached into a pocket to look for gloves I found my yellow feather bandanna and this spring's badge from Camp Tomato. They were all patiently waiting for me to go to this concert.

It was starting to feel Meant To Be again. I felt strong, I had my badges of honor. We went out to the bus stop. And then to the other bus stop. And then realized we'd managed to miss both in walking between them, and would not get there by 8pm, and maybe not even by 8:30.

So I called

paperm00n, who I haven't talked to in months, and asked if she wanted to go and she said HELL YEAH, but she didn't have a car and she was in the U-District. So she suggested, given the time, that we try a cab. Jason was starting to look stressed, given the possible cost of cab, but I was willing to give it a shot. I called the cab company number on my cellphone. There's a half hour wait for a cab. Never mind.

I call Lea back to tell her no dice and I see the 16 driving along! That's the bus we walked away from to stand at the 26 stop! If we catch it we're golden! I cast around to see if its next stop is in sight. There it is! I run for it!

I realize halfway across the street that I have misinterpreted which direction the bus will go and it is heading straight into my intersection on a lake-wet street in the dark and I hear its horn blaring in panic. Fortunately my legs correctly interpret this as the signal to speed wayyyy up and I get to the other side, thinking in the adrenaline-stretched moment that this would be a fucking ironic moment to die. Not that there are any unironic moments to die.

I'm quite well enough to finish babbling to paperm00n on the phone as I stand on the other side of the intersection. Jason's in shock. I'm okay until I get home and then I'm in shock. The hardest thing is when he stops to shake for a moment, then tells me, "I couldn't call out to you because then you would have stopped." I can imagine myself in that place and it gives me the shakes just to think about it. Edit: He has just told me that the bus came within a yard of me, maybe closer. GGGYYYAH.

Being alive, that just leaves breaking my perfect Webley Halloween Concert streak. I have already settled myself about the fact that it's not a "bad ending" to miss this concert. While I went to Camp Tomato this spring, I then deliberately skipped the concert because my legs were tired and I went to HHGG instead. I just haven't been working so hard at it. Maybe L's picked it up for me.

A lot of my obsession kind of cooled down when I had a pretty wonderful experience last year. I actually got to help with the show along with my sister and my girlfriend, and got to hang out with The Man long enough to know that he was cool but we probably wouldn't end up best buddies, and I invited my usually quiet roommate (I found her a peacock feather, which she wore with grace) and a cool coworker and someone who would become a wonderful partner, and we all helped a wide-eyed boy from Olympia haul a giant papier-mache tomato lantern back to his truck.

In short, I've already gotten the end of the movie with the inspiring music. While it would have been nice to watch L get to do the starring role thing, my heart really wasn't in it this year or I would have been hyped up and arranging rides or getting out to the bus an hour earlier. And that's okay.

Now I just want to stay home and not get hit by busses.

Edit again: I have promised that I will never ever ever ever again in my life cross a street while running for a bus. In case you were worried. This will not happen again.