Brain better.

[gement]

So it's not left hanging, my previous upset over my reading is mostly past now, thanks to hours and hours of processing time with a variety of people, very good advice from more than one friend, and a cathartic date with meowse Monday night.

I got 10 hours sleep last night and wanted more.

I still feel like ranting a bit, but a lot of that settled out when I actually posted a comment to the author's LJ. (Not bitching her out, just... saying this was my reaction, these were elements that bothered me in the not-good way, and suggesting she talk to the publishers a little more strenuously about packaging, as that was in large part what blind-sided me. But entirely framed as my reaction, not her responsibility or anything, and congratulating her on writing something that felt very emotionally true and affecting.)

I'll be reading the rest of the book on Friday to get it out of my system, and letting my reaction lie fallow until then.

So this is that "trigger" thing people are always talking about... It's really never happened to me before. That was very strange and upsetting, and the fact that it was so upsetting was one of the upsetting parts. I have not had to cope with that vehemence of reaction before, not on that time scale at that intensity.

Brains are funny ducks.

In other news, pics next post.

Comments

[gement.livejournal.com]

Ha! Jack the Thoughtless as abuser? Sorry, Ianto can take care of himself, and you've worked very hard to make that clear. But there's that reader experience step.

Officially the guy who I'm feeling abuse-sympathy for came to the situation as an adult and had every opportunity to get out. (Never mind the overwhelming social pressure and the fact that, different cultural expectations of age notwithstanding, when you take a person away from his family at 16 and tell him "here's your new life, it's so noble, suck it up and deal or get out of the pack," that's taking permanent advantage of youthful vulnerability.) But by the authors' lights, they had free consent. And, in the society they've written, that's probably about as much consent as could be had.

My writing will almost certainly trigger anyone who's been in bad 24/7. "OMG, he threw away his job and his entire life to go be a housepet and he can't even leave because of the voodoo in his head and you think this is SEXY? EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!" Which is why I had trouble writing it down in the first place. I see redeeming factors (most particularly that the top did not set out to manipulate or install voodoo, would set him loose if he could, and does his best not to take advantage), and I acknowledge that it's not my idea of full consent either, but in the end, it's hot for me, and it's been hot for some other people, and I'm allowed to be excited by things that aren't good in real life.

Wow. Digression.

Jack as incredibly clever emotional manipulator, maybe. But not in your story. He's stumbling over himself horribly, and not predicting Ianto well enough to manipulate effectively, even if he were trying. It's great.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ha! Jack the Thoughtless as abuser? Sorry, Ianto can take care of himself, and you've worked very hard to make that clear. But there's that reader experience step.

Ah, see, there's the rub. She feels Ianto is being the abuser. I can see how one gets there after the first piece despite Ianto's distress. And I totally see how there are things taken out of context in the third one that could be used to support the assertion, but I don't think it's actually in the text, even if the text can be used to make the argument.

I believe she's planning to write a meta about this in the fic and some others, with quotes from our emails on the subject, so I might have more to direct you to soon. But it is a seriously strange experience, especially for all the time Kali and I have spent wanting to have both Jack and Ianto playing with both sides of the power dynamic and fucking it up but being able to move through that anyway.

Jack as incredibly clever emotional manipulator, maybe. But not in your story. He's stumbling over himself horribly, and not predicting Ianto well enough to manipulate effectively, even if he were trying. It's great.

And thank you. Kali and I don't write by divying up the characters, but Jack's definitely the character I think of as mine in this (I only really understand Ianto through a lens of desire; if my brain has ever worked like his, it's been a loooong time).

I'm allowed to be excited by things that aren't good in real life.

Yes. This. I mean. How can we even evaluate some of the things we read and write when there is no actual way to truly fathom the experience?

But truth in advertising is very much your friend. I'll be curious to see the response you get as regards the book.

I'm allowed to be excited by things that aren't good in real life.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

By all reports, life on a battlefield is not a good thing, but I definitely wish(or even need) to read about it.
I think this is somewhat analogous.
A good horror or ghost story is even more analogous.
Nothing every profound to add here.

Re: I'm allowed to be excited by things that aren't good in real life.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

*nothing very profound