Message in a bottle

[gement]

[I stole this from jaydedone]

Sometimes we really need to say things anonymously, and spilling them to the empty air feels so pointless that we just don't do it. LJ gets people to post partly out of a feeling of anonymity, but it's not anonymous and people will happily pick a fight over each others' words.

I think the ritual of confession, used properly, did and does something really valuable for people.

If there's anything you want to say, to me or to anyone else, or to the world or the space in your heart that's in pain, I'm inviting you to post it as an ANONYMOUS comment to this post.

Say anything you like. I will only delete comments that are not ANONYMOUS, or that attack other anonymous comments. I will not make any attempt to figure out who posted a comment.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Why do people feel awe towards other people? Why do we need people we think are "important" or "popular" to like us?

[gement.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... has someone been making guesses about my anonymous post elsewhere? No matter - it's a fair question.

In my case, the attraction is not that they're popular. It's that they're intelligent, sexy, charismatic, strong in the Force, etcetera, all the things that make people popular in the first place. The things that make them fun people to be around.

The awe comes in when I realize that I'm not the first, or even the hundredth person to have made this observation, and that they're booked from here to next Christmas. At that point, any attempt to get into their schedule, which would seem really natural with a non-celebrity, looks clumsy because it almost takes a crowbar.

I have, from time to time, experienced enough personal popularity that I have had to tune new people out that I would otherwise find enjoyable to spend time with. I just didn't have the energy to add anyone else to the rotation.

I don't blame people for doing this; it's perfectly sensible and good boundaries. I just have an attention-grabbing streak from childhood that says if someone's ignoring me in favor of someone else, I want it more. It's the only form of jealousy I buy into, and I wish I didn't, but I haven't had much luck letting it go.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry.

[gement.livejournal.com]

I have no way of knowing if this is directed to me, but if it is, I thank you from afar and hope you feel better about it. I've most likely already let it go, whatever it was. I'm not holding onto much these days.

[(Anonymous)]

It is.

[(Anonymous)]

If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger
You know in the end, I'll always be there
And when you're in doubt
and when you're in danger
Take a look all around, and I'll be there

I'm sorry, but I'm just looking for the right words to say (I promise you),
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be (I promise you),
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will

When your day is through, and so is your temper,
You know what to do, I'm gonna always be there.
Sometimes if I shout, it's not what's intended.
These words just come out, with no gripe to bear.

I'm sorry, but I'm just looking for the right words to say (I promise you),
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be (I promise you),
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will...

When In Rome - "The Promise"

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for the invitation. There are so many things I want to say that fit this description, but there aren't enough words. I don't even know what I want to say. I just know it hurts.

"Sending out an SOS..."

[gement.livejournal.com]

Here's to finding a place that hurts less, however you do it.

[(Anonymous)]

I first looked at this and thought I didn't have anything to say, but then I started thinking about it, and I do.

I know I did dumb things because I wanted into your pants, and I regret it. It was ages ago, but I never really apologized to anyone involved. I'm sorry. It was idiotic. I'm glad that it didn't wreck our friendship, because I would have missed out on a lot of fun conversations, and many other goofy things I would describe if it wouldn't reveal who this is.

I haven't stayed in touch as well as I'd like, over the last year or two, but I still think about you and hope you're doing well, especially in all the parts of your life that don't make it to your journal here.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

In your defense, I was one hell of a tease. I don't even have to make guesses about your identity to be sure that I was pushing for your attention, to prove to myself that I was attractive to everyone in the world.

Here at home I haven't really had the opportunity to do that, so hopefully when I move back to the big city I'll be more conscious of pulling that crap.

[(Anonymous)]

What am I waiting for? I'm sitting here, wondering what I'm even doing here, and waiting. I feel like I need to redirect my life, but I spin around looking, and can't see which way to go. I need to let go. I can't just hold these things forever. So what cue am I waiting for, what do I expect to happen? Waiting to cry, waiting to live. Waiting for a sign.

I'm sorry for so many things, to you and to countless others. And even anonymously, I can't bring myself to say them and to truly feel and lose the ache.

[gement.livejournal.com]

If you change your mind and want to say more, the door's open. In the meantime,

The moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle,
The moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down.

[(Anonymous)]

I get really scared sometimes. Of the future, of what the Hell I'm doing with my life, of what's going to happen tomorrow, and it didn't used to be that way.

I knew the phrase, "the loss of innocence", but I never understood it until about a year ago, and now I want to go back, because I never used to be so scared, I never used to cry so much, worry so much, or be in so much pain over nothing. I'm scared of screwing up again, and I'm scared of losing it all over again, because once upon a time, I thought I had it all...and then it was gone, just like that.

If it can be taken away so easily, then why shouldn't I be wary? Yet, at the same time, how can I enjoy what I have when all I do is worry about losing it?

[gement.livejournal.com]

Been there. I went into college as high as a kite, and left five years later in about the same shape as Charlie Brown's kite. I've never felt so thoroughly broken as I did during those years, and there was nothing I could do about it.

All I can really say is, it gets better. If you hang on and take care of yourself, it eventually gets better. Unless you're in a Dickensian sob story, but try not to think about that, because you're not. You are not a unique snowflake, or at least you're not the one unique snowflake for which nothing will ever get better.

You may, in fact, be the all-singing all-dancing crap of the Universe. It's just hard to see that from inside a pit.

[(Anonymous)]

It's scary sometimes when people think you're on the top, afraid to crash, afraid to have people think you are one thing and you believe yourself to be something else.

[gement.livejournal.com]

What's really terrifying is admitting you are less than Superman and finding that a surprising number of people love and support you anyway.

I don't know about you, but I set much higher standards for myself than for anyone else.